do herpes really smell.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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