God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'd cum for enchiladas.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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