he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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