you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
