I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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