her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
