Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
