What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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