I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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