weddingsv make me drug and hornr
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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