i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
