if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
