You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
