Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
