Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
