if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
