i think my tv is drunk
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He better not be in your backpack
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize