dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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