ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
