She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
