he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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