I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
