if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm passing your future prison.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
