After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
