he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
The air taste purple.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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