you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
