Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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