Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
