i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
