i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
