Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
