Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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