Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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