A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
