Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
