i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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