I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
