I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
