He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
