I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
