i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize