Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
