How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
