She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
