did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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