He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
