so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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