i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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