and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize