I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
