I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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