did you get engaged???
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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