where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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