So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
