MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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