I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
