Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
