u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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