Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and itβs skill. Iβm interested in learning more about it ;-)
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