I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
