I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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