And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
