No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
How does one acquire holy water?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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