Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
