my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
