You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
