You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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