well you can't waste a boner
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
