I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
