morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
